This blog is topical just like "South Park"... just not as funny... three words... Mintberry Crunch and SHABLAGOO!!!
Anne Hathaway and James Franco to host this years Academy Awards? Good gravy... and not the good kind of gravy I inhaled last Thursday...
The thing that makes a great Oscar host is stage presence, the ability to perform LIVE... classic examples are Billy Crystal, Johnny Carson, Hugh Jackman, Chevy Chase and yes, David Letterman...
If the Academy had any brains, and they don't, they would have picked from these three hosts...
Ricky Gervais... no brainer... this guy dominated the Golden Globes...
Jimmy Fallon... he killed it at the Emmys... this opening was unreal, and I'm not even that big a fan of "Glee" (it's not terrible)
and of course... Billy Crystal... no explanation necessary...
Ohhhh noooo... but Hathaway and Franco are gonna be great! Uhhhhh no they won't... Harry Osborne is a little bitch... damnit... as long as the Academy gives a best supporting nod for Michael Douglas for "Wall Street 2", I'll sleep alright...
This goes to the greatest baseball game for Nintendo... ever... sorry RBI Baseball and Bad News Baseball, you guys are fuckin' out!
Ryne Sandberg plays...
First, he appears on the cover of the best baseball game ever for NES, and probably for any system (Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball for SNES was sick, its a toss up)... now, Ryno is the manager for your CHICAGO CU... ooops, I mean the AAA Phillies coach... fuck you, Hendry!
With great hitters like Leland and Brodie, and unhittable pitchers like Talbot, this was a game that just couldn't be beat... I played this game non-stop growing up as a kid and it helped shape the man I am today... a man with a short attention span who is kinda slllooooowwwwwww... thanks Nintendo
I think you can put "best video ever!" to anything, and you just have to watch it... am I right?
Most of the time when people say that... it's total bullshit... not this one...
It's an oldie but goodie and bearse repeating!
Texas High School Football!!! GO MOJO! (I wish this was Permian, but it's not)
Plano East trailing John Tyler 41-17 with only 3 mins left... they come all the way back and take the lead after recovering like a thousand onside kicks in a row... only to BLOW IT!!!
You just gotta watch it... the commentating is the best of all time!
First off, thank you Brad Whitlock for the title to this post... that's the kind of brilliance several LaBatt Blue's and some Trompeter brats with grilled onions will produce...
DAAAAA BEARSE!!!
Sorry Philly, you little bitch... there is still only three things that are good about you... your steak sandwiches, ROCKY and....
and that's the fact, JACK!
8-3 and on top of the division feels unreal good right now... on top of a great win... the bitch ass Packers lost... LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!
Few thoughts:
Jay Baby was epic today... 4 TDs... splish splash
Earl Bennett... u sooo crazy
Bearse contained Vick pretty well... no nutso runs from him... he threw the ball very well, but Bearse made the big plays when they needed... sooo yup... we win
Andy Reid is a hippo
Greg Olsen once again is the champion of the catch, master of the Red Zone and touchdowns for everyone
Packers suck
Anywho... I don't really care to hear about how da Bearse aren't that good anymore... I've even been vocal about how they haven't been that good... but not anymore... good teams just don't keep winning... mmmmkay?
So if you want to keep bitching about how da Bearse are still lousy... watch this shit
Dog Boy is in town... I tried shipping my dog Dusty to him, but he kept barking at the mailman... I know what you are thinking, "Kyle, it's your dog! That's not nice!"... well, you haven't met Dusty... I had Mike Vick over for Thanksgiving dinner, no joke, and look at what Dusty did to him...
Chased him right outta the damn dining room... yeah I know, I thought it was weird he was still wearing his Falcons jersey too...
Let's talk about this football game for a brief moment... it's a total pick em game... on one side, I think daa Bearse are going to contain Vick and play well enough offensively to win a close game... and then on the flip side, I think Jay Baby might totally fuck us with a flurry of picks...
It's such a fine line... I think what it comes down to is whether or not the Eagles defense drops 3 or 4 Jay Baby picks like the Dolphins and Vikings have the last two weeks...
Also, I did my part to help out, when Vick was over, I forced him to watch the ending of "Homeward Bound"... and he cried like a baby... (who doesn't?)
I just finished Die Hard... along with several drinks... bingo bango bongo
Just like in "The Dark Knight" when the Joker is on screen or "Wall Street" when Gordon Gekko is lighting it up, you just can't get enough of Hans Gruber... he's the best part of a fabulous action movie... one of the best ever
Also, he's the most well dressed and well spoken terrorists of all time... just look at him...
He and his team of smooth talking Brits or foreigners of some sort had their shit together... until Bruce Willis threw Alan Rickman out of the skyscraper...
All in all... great movie... great villain... great actor (Rickman)... which brings up two of my favorite videos ever... one is from "Family Guy" and the other is a classic Collegehumor video...
Alan Rickman's Answering Machine
AND the best Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) impersonation you will ever see!!! Collegehumor original videos are as good as it gets!
It's a holiday weekend, and people are going to be going out to parties and the bar scene... and if you are like the Nevada football team and want to get LUCKY, you need to learn a few dance moves first...
Look here ya turkeys... I realize that most of the people that read this blog are my facebook friends, twitter followers and apparently a few people in Alaska (which is what google analytics tells me)
There is a strong chance that if you are reading this blog... you can't dance... that's just a shot in the dark... but I just GOT A FEELIN'... omg sorry for that... that was an outburst of lameness...
As for me, you and I both know I am a phenomenal dancer... just like my boy below
I went to the Kevin James School of DANCE... no big deal or anything... the end result of Mr. James tutelage is that I am the life of the dance floor... parties, club... WEDDINGS
Now, you yourself can achieve this same success by watching this self-help dance video below... if you are at a party tonight or the bars and the right song comes on and you pull out the Q-Tip dance... you're in the fuckin' zone
"Hitch" ftw
FLIP SIDE... don't do this below... granted, I love you George McFly and I know you don't like confrontations... but your moves in "Friday the 13th - Part 4" are just bad news... I have a feeling this is how Big Ben dances when he is at the clubs, hence why he has to force women to touch him...
Yikes, that last joke was lamer than FDR's legs.... oooooooooooo.... too soon?
Has there been a more used montage song than Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out for a Hero"? I don't think so...
With that said... I'd be lying if I said I could get enough of montages with this song. It beats the hell out of the over used "Thunderstruck"... good lord that song needs to go away and never come back...
Many movies and TV shows have used this song below... some I couldn't find clips for, or at least good clips... this song is in the pilot for "Lois and Clark: The Adventures of Superman"... I found the clip on Youtube, but it was in Spanish... fail
It is also in "Who's Harry Crumb?" "WHC?" is a completely underrated movie... John Candy? YESSS!!!!
My favorite appearance of the song is in "Short Circuit 2"...
...more on that in a moment...
First and foremost, if you haven't heard the song, wtf dude? Where have you been?
Here it is dammmmmmitttttt
That video is pretty fucked up... wayyyyy better than Lady Gaga's videos, HA!
Moving right along... here are the 3 best appearances in other media for the epic song, "Holding Out for a Hero"...
3 - Bandits
Look, I've never actually seen this movie... but Cate Blanchett is balls hot... deal? Ok cool
2 - Shrek 2
Couple things:
This clip is all sorts of epic... and "Shrek 2" is hilarious... actually, it's the only Shrek I've ever seen... I suppose I should see the others... but... fuck it
1 - Short Circuit 2
The only word for that clip is PERFECTION... and the good kind of perfection, not like that "Friends" episode back in the day when Chandler is like, "Gum would be perfection"... what a goonbot
Bottom line for this post... I can't sleep and I'm watching the DVD commentary on Simpsons season 7... D'OH!
Final Note - Season 4 of the Simpsons was the best season of any show... ever
Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn... and get to the top 5 Villains... like... ever
TOP 5 VILLAINS
Honorable Mention:
Michael Myers - normally... he would be a slam dunk for the list, but I gave him soo much STT love at Halloween, I'm just a lil bit burnt out... seriously tho... MM is tits and I love being him for Halloween... he's 50 times better than Freddy and Jason
Hans Gruber - Alan Rickman should have been nominated for an Oscar for this role in Die Hard... it's a joke he wasn't
Vigo the Carpathian - 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't ? He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered... ouch...
Clubber Lang - was rude to Adrian, and it was hilarious... HEY WOMAN!!!
Sideshow Bob - he is the most persistent killer known to man... also, I voted for Sideshow Bob over that SPEND-O-CRAT, diamond Joe Quimby
5 - Ivan Drago
He didn't have many lines in Rocky IV... he didn't need to have many lines... look at this summma bitch... he's outta control
A great fight would have been Drago vs. Thunderlips, ULTIMATE MALE!
Not only was he Rocky's most brutal opponent, but he murdered Apollo... IF HE DIES, HE DIES!!!
Rocky shoulda thrown the damn towel... it was supposed to be an exhibition... understand? AN EXHIBITION!!!
It just popped in there... I tried to think of the most harmless thing... something I loved from my childhood... something that could never ever possibly destroy us... MR. STAY PUFT!
If the Ghostbusters had just got this 100 foot sailor LAID, they wouldn't have had any problems... but he started stepping on churches... and things got real dicey real quick...
2 - Lex Luthor
I pretty much love all versions of Lex Luthor... Gene Hackman's was classic... Kevin Spacey's was good too... but Michael Rosenbaum's "Smallville" Lex is the best... especially in the early seasons before he goes full blown evil
When he is still friends with Clark, you can never really tell if he is genuine or not in his affection for the Kent's. But if you know anything about the Luthor family, you know there is always a selfish ulterior motive
But it is his "friendship" with Clark that makes him the best Lex ever... love this clip below
1 - Gordon Gekko
Blue Horseshoe loves Anacott Steel... and that's the fact, Jack!
"Wall Street" is one of the best movies ever made, and this falls sequel "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps" was absolutely fantastic... leading the way in both of those films is Gordon Gekko, who is by far Michael Douglas' best character ever
He won the Oscar for the first film and could get a best supporting nod this year (and should)... his villainous Gekko is soo ruthless as the Wall Street shark that you find yourself rooting for him... he doesn't care who he runs over on his way to financial gain, it's all part of the game and that is what makes him as evil as it gets... much like Lex Luthor, he has no soul...
Let's get one thing clear... there is only one movie to watch on Thanksgiving and that is "Planes, Trains and Automobiles"... (to be fair, Dutch is pretty good too... Al Bundy ftw... and ftw is short for "for the wolf"... thank you, Jake and Amir)
Not only is this the best Thanksgiving movie ever made (even though there aren't many to choose from)... this is one of the best comedies ever... and the reason this movie distances itself from other comedies, as John Hughes was soo good at doing with other gems like "Ferris Bueller", "Breakfast Club" and many more, you cared about the characters...
EXAMPLE - "The Hangover" was hilarious... but I didn't give two shits about any of the characters in the movie... that's not to say it was bad... it was really great, actually... but it doesn't reach the level of a classic like "PTA", a movie that has unlimited repeatability even 20 years after it was released... does anyone honestly think people will still be watching "The Hangover" 20 years from now? 10?
The difference is yesterdays comedy actors were also great ACTORS to begin with. They knew how to suck you in and get you on their side. We cared deeply for John Candy's character (he should have been nominated for an Oscar, I'm serious)... Del was the most annoying person in the world, but you knew he was a good man and a family man (even though his wife is dead)... and you cared for him... Steve Martin was the dick, but you knew his distaste for Candy didn't come from hate and he quickly realized the error of his ways, and so you cared for him too... the end result is a movie that you not only become invested in because it has a lot of great laughs, but you are also very strongly rooting for the characters to get home for Thanksgiving.
This is also John Hughes' best movie. His most entertaining is "Ferris Bueller"... his deepest and most powerful is "Breakfast Club"... but "PTA" is his best all around movie with the most satisfying ending...
Even though it is a Thanksgiving movie... it is a film you can watch at any time... you don't have to "be in the mood" to watch it... you just turn it on and you immediately get into the mood... not many movies do that, like ever
Finally... the movie's soundtrack is killer... whenever I go on a road trip of any kind, I always start it with this music below... Red River Rock by the Silicon Teens? Now that is a classic...
I'm thankful for everyone that takes the time to read my screwy blog... you all are the wind beneath my wings!!! TURKEY WINGS!!!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
If you are like me, and today is your last workday before Thanksgiving break (thank you, turkey creator), then you need a little office music to get you through a work day of which I will probably not get anything done today... at least not much... there's only like 3 people in the office today, and none of them are the boss... soooooooo HALF DAY BITCHES!!!
Let's talk Kyle's "Work Music", Volume 3 point oh...
The picture above is from the movie which has the music I've posted below...
"No Reservations"... I know what you are thinking,"Uh, Kyle, that's a girls movie"... to which I reply, "uhhh blow me"
This movie has 3 things that makes it NOT a girls movie... great food... CZJ (good lord she's hot)... and Where is Harvey... DENT?
So without further Apu, I bring you some uppidy work music that is rock solid...
Tomorrow on STT, I bring you the best Thanksgiving movie ever... wonder what the F it will be???
As Ball State nation waves goodbye to one of the worst coaches in NCAA history (I guess technically it is still rumors according to SP himself... but SP, go home)... I want to take a moment to reflect on some of the great moments from 2007 during the rise of Cardinal football...
It's a shame that the glory days for BSU football lasted all of 2 years... but there were some epic moments in our short fun run...
Remember Nebraska? I don't even give a shit we lost... that game announced our presence as a serious football threat
I remember the music video I made after that game for the intro to that week's "Cardinal Sports Live" (if you aren't aware of the show, it is the best sports show known to man)
I scored it to Rocky music... all in all... an awesome video with epic highlights... Nate Davis' throw at the 1:30 mark is sick... 70 yards in the air without stepping into it... just digusting
And maybe the best play of the year was in that Navy game... "The Throwback"... Davis to Dante Love... holy shit Love was fast... it's a crime he got injured in the IU blowout...
All in all... great memories from a program that hopefully will rise from the mediocrity that Stan Parrish created in Muncie...
Let's here it for the villains that just aren't all the way there! Now to be clear... almost all villains are failures... because in the movies, good prevails...
But there are villains that we can honestly say would under different circumstances be victorious... example... if Lex Luthor had 2 nuclear missiles that were going to hit the east coast and the west coast at the same time, could Batman stop them? Fuck no... Lex Luthor ftw
TOP 5 OVERRATED VILLAINS!
Honorable Mention:
Jack Parkman - his shimmy first made the women in Cleveland go crazy... but he left, then those same women puked... still, he's more liked than LeBron...
Doctor Octopus - I've said this before... Superman would rip off your tentacles and golf with them... and you let your wife die... DO = fail
Twister (from Twister) - uhhhh... you didn't kill any main characters... and your F-5 didn't faze my boy Bill Paxton... by the dubs, Dusty is one of the all time great movie characters... P.S. Hoff ftw
5 - Reggie Miller
Reggie loved being the bad guy... and it's funny... for as much trash as he talked on the court... he never won SHIT!
What a choke artist this guy was... the one year they actually had a chance to beat the Knicks in the playoffs... this guy walks to the line and bricks the free throws like he's Karl Malone (mail man doesn't deliver on Sundays... thanks Pip)
Pacer fans will always be able to cherish their Quarterfinal Championship Videos!!!
Also, Pacer fans are non-existent anymore... Indianapolis = bandwagon fans... can't wait til Peyton is hasta-la-bye bye
4 - Dusty Dinkleman
DINKLEMAN IS GOING DOWN!!!
Seriously, Just Friends is such an underrated movie
If Ryan Reynolds wasn't such a nervous bitch in that movie, he woulda realized Dusty Dinkleman was no threat at all... please see below
3 - Lord Voldemort
You make the list because Harry Potter is a little bitch... and he still beats you... that is why you suck and you are on this list
Any halfway decent Superhero like Cyclops or Inspector Gadget would smash your face off of your face... and it wouldn't take much bc your face is already like, not there...
2 - Batman Villains (pick any)
Again, I am a big Batman fan... but look at the big picture... many other Superheroes or regular heroes would easily dispose of most Batman villains
Many of the villains hang out in the seedy underbelly amongst the Gotham Mafia... Robocop would destroy most Batman villains no problem... hell, James Bond would take out the Joker in no time... but Batman pussy foots around for days while the Joker, who has no real skills other than he surrounds himself with goons, just dominates Gotham...
Then, the Joker dies... and Batman and Gordon are just a total mess
1 - Biff Tannen
Biff isn't the brightest villain out there... in fact, he's stupid as shit... hilarious, but dumb as rocks
The fact that Marty and a genius, Doc Brown, can't get this asshole out of the picture earlier than they do is downright scary...
You wanna know how dumb Biff is? Check out the video below... just like Katy Perry's jugs, it is a sight to see
Now that I've released my top Superhero lists to the masses... it's time for the lists that contain the far more interesting people... the villains!
Villains, by nature, are far more interesting than the heroes... and the reason is simple - they play by their own rules, they do what they want, and they are badass at everything except getting their real goals accomplished, which most of the time is taking over the world, killing Superman, getting rich, killing many, and so forth.
TOP 5 UNDERRATED VILLAINS
Honorable Mention
Mr. Burns - See... My... Vest! All great villains have their idiot sidekicks... Lex Luthor has Otis... Mr. Burns has Smithers... done and done
Sid (from Toy Story) - that kid was a total dick
Casanova Frankenstein - just watched "Mystery Men" for the first time in forevsies... it was awesome... CF was good, but got hit shit kicked by Mr. Furious... all villains have to fall at some point
Tommy Gunn - at first, he was just after Adrian's mac-n-cheese... but it turned out he was just after the money... and Rocky kicked his ass... major facial
5 - The Scoleri Brothers
Friends of yours? I tried them for murder! GAVE THEM THE CHAIR!!!
Egon said that they might have just went away if Judge "The Hammer" Wexler would have just said he didn't believe in ghosts... but it took some of the good juice from the proton packs to nuke those fuckin spooks... good thing those packs have a half life of 5,000 years...
Ugly little spuds, aren't they?
4 - John Kreese
MERCY IS FOR THE WEAK!!!
Look, say what you will about the Cobra Kai dojo and how it teaches its students to be ruthless... but Kreese is a total badass who doesn't back down from a fight... if he has to put his opponent in a body bag... that's what he's gonna do...
He just can't beat Miyagi...
3 - Buffalo Bill
This clip below is all the proof you need... PUT THE LOTION IN THE FUCKING BASKET!
2 - Heddo
IT'S HEDDO!!!
Other than 2 pitches in the movie, when Henry TOTALLY fooled him with a changeup and when Henry K'ed his fatass on a Scuffy Magee style floater, Heddo was an f'n asshole... this one's for mommy! MOMMY!!!
SEE YA!!!
1 - McPoyle brothers
Bump it...
These guys are fantastic creeps of the most hilarious nature... but make no mistake about it... if you put your guard down... they will fork stab you... and I'm sure that hurts worse than drinking the warm milk that they so love...
16-0 win for the 700th win in team historyyyyyyyy..... Alexeiiiiiiiiiii..... YESSSSSSSSS!!!!
You don't see too many shutouts in the NFL anymore, especially on the road... slowly but surely... Lovie Smith is putting himself in position for another contract extension... normally, the notion would make me cringe, but when daa Bearse play like they did tonight... well... that's ace...
It helps when this dude goes for 3 sacks like he is supposed to... and against a very mobile QB in Tyler Pigpen
Now daa Bearse are a healthy 7-3 and in sole possession of first place ahead of those bozos in Green Bay... and we have a long time before we have to play again, which is nice considering their next game is against the best player in the league, Dog Boy...
Here are some thoughts from tonites bloodbath in Miami:
Nearly a hundo on the ground from Matt Forte and a TD... Sweet Action Jackson
6 sacks in the game and a pick by Peanut... Rod Marinelli ftw
Daniel Manning... hit of the year
Robbie Gould 3 FG's... back to our regularly schedule Robbie Gould
Jay Baby threw a pick, but for the most part was putting the ball only where his receivers could catch it... he was like f'n Tom Glavine out there... and picking up 3rd down after 3rd down... sometimes even on the run... if he can just keep the mistakes down... Jay Baby is as good as it gets
Mad Martz continues to call a balanced game... could him and Jay Baby be a marriage that lasts for years? If so, daa Bearse are going to be good for awhile...
Dolphins suck... and all of the Miami writers picked the Dolphins to win... good lord Miami is bad at everything... I guess anyone can be a sportswriter these days...
LeBron sucks
How many more flags will Webb get on the O-line? He was playing like a keg exploded and a metal part shot off of it and hit him right in the dick... yes... I flipped over to Sunny at halftime/early 3rd
Now for a stress free weekend of sitting back... relaxing... strappin it down and enjoying first place!!!
FINALLY - when daaaaa '85 Bearse lost their lone game in Miami, they filmed the Super Bowl Shuffle THE NEXT DAY!!!!
One of two things are going to happen tonight in da Bearse/Fish game... either da Bearse pounce on 3rd string QB Tyler Thigpen (who blows) and dominate him... or they let a 3rd string QB play the game of his life (which would be such a Bears thing to do) and this game goes down to the wire, and Jay Baby has to win it with his arm (vomit)
With that said, I'm going to keep this short and saucy... daaaa Bearse are going to keep up the defensive intensity that they started last week and pick off that bitch Thigpen a few times... they'll shut down the Wildcat that I'm sure the Fish will try to run tonight...
They need to expose a team that is starting a guy who was 1-10 or something like that as a starter for the Chiefs a few years ago... bottom line, this should be a game where daa Bearse finally just kick someones ass
But of course, this is Chicago... this is daa Bearse... and what should happen almost never does... I expect Jay to struggle because, well, that's what he does in Prime Time... probably 3 picks tonight
Hester may have to save the game again........... again
The only trilogy greater than my three parter about Superheroes is Back to the Future... it is light years ahead of those piece of shit hobbit movies
Top 5 Superheroes... and here... we... go...
HONORABLE MENTION
Iron Man - Tony Stark is a total badass... and he can fly... suck brick, Batman...
Mighty Mouse - Here I come to save the day!!!
Professor X - The brains of the X-Men... if you tried a sneak attack from behind him, he would just use his telepathy to turn your body into a pool of jelly... yikes
Judge Dredd - Stallone... nuff said
5 - Ghostbusters
"Hey Kyle, the Ghostbusters aren't Superheroes!"
Let me wrap my brain around this one... they beat villains that are in every which way more threatening than anyone Spiderman or Batman ever face... fuckin' Vigo was going to take over the world for christ sake... and their weapons are the coolest things in movie history along with the Hover Board
Just because they are hilarious, doesn't mean they aren't super as shit... deal with it
And the music video is one of the all time greats with soo many awesome cameos... the last 30 seconds with the Ghostbusters walking down Times Square with Ray Parker Jr is the coolest thing ever...
4 - Rorschach
Rorschach has the most original mask in the history of Superheroes. The ink blots are always changing... and he is probably the most resourceful of all Superheroes... like MacGruber, he uses everything in his surroundings to his advantage, such as taking a can of hair spray and match and blow torching cops... snap, snap
I'm a big fan of the Watchmen, and thought the movie was the best of 2009...
3 - The Flash
It's like Mick says in Rocky 2... "We need speed, speed is what we need, greasy, fast, SPEED!!!
It's next to impossible to react to this guy's attack. You're not going to see him coming, and by the time you realize he's there, he's already beat the fuck out of you a hundred times over
2 - Hulk
I like the Hulk because unlike most other Superheroes, he truly is tortured by the hero side of his character... and he has the best line that any Superhero has, "You're making me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry"
Also, there has been 2 Hulk movies... the Eric Bana one and the Edward Norton one... I am totally in the minority when I say I absolutely love the Eric Bana one... much like Superman Returns, people don't like it because it actually has a story and isn't just mindless action
Eric Bana's Bruce Banner > Ed Norton's... fact
1 - Superman
Anyone that knows me knows that I luvvvv me some Superman... he is the best Superhero, and he has the best villains (hmmm... I could probably do a villains blog piece just like this one...)
Superman is one of the Superheroes who's alternate identity isn't the Superhero... Kal-El IS Superman... Clark Kent is the alter ego... and he is so much more likeable than Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker and other human persona's.
Superman represents what America is all about: Truth, Justice and the American way!
His first big save, well, technically his second save, the first is when he caught the truck that almost fell on Mr. Kent when Clark was a baby... but when he first saves Lois, it's such a great scene... I wish I would have been able to see this in theatres in 1978 when it came out, because you had never seen anything like this one the big screen before
I remember leaving work one day at good ole KEPR-TV and going to the movie theatre without any plan for what movie I was going to see. It was just one of those days... I didn't care what movie I saw... I just wanted to see something...
I saw "Up"
It was either "Up" or the "Transformers" sequel... and you know what I thought... "FUCK TRANSFORMERS" (I will actually go see the next one bc it was filmed in Chicago)
Anyhootieandtheblowfish... the movie was all sorts of epic... and the music was excellent
I listen to it all the time at my desk, and you should too... it's very relaxing
Let me preface this by saying, this list doesn't just contain superheroes that I don't like... some of them I like very much... but they are certainly overrated... either because they really aren't that super at all... or they are just f'n annoying...
HONORABLE MENTION
Ghost Rider - wtf?
Daredevil - you suck and your movie sucks... blind bum
Catwoman - hahahaha, too easy
5 - Batman
Yup, I said it. And believe me, I love Batman.
But all Batman really is is a spoiled rich bitch with some really nifty gear. Yeah, he knows karate and fighting techniques, but when has he ever had to use them against anyone who is actually a physical force? Maybe Bane? And you never see him around, like ever...
He has trouble beating up the Joker, who physically, is total puss... it's not like he has to beat up General Zod or Doomsday for christ sake...
He normally only has to solve Gothams problems, and he has trouble with that. Even "The Coon" takes on global issues like the BP Oil Spill!!!
Bottom line - if you shoot Batman in the face... he's dead... killed dead.
4 - Hellboy
Honestly... I've never seen any of these movies. You made the list because you look ridiculous.
That's all. Next time, Hellboy, don't look ridiculous and people will actually see your movies... dumbass
3 - Wolverine
I don't think there is a more boring superhero out there. Logan is the least interesting comic book character out there. The only time this guy is fun to watch is when he puts cigars out in his palm.
I actually like the X-Men movies, and Hugh Jackman is a total badass... but Wolverine didn't deserve his own movie... probably why the movie sucked and didn't do that well at the BO.
Also, his pining over Dr. Jean Gray... almost as bad as that bitch Peter Parker (oooooo foreboding)
2 - Aquaman
Ok Aquaman is seriously worthless. He probably should be number one... but that is reserved for the biggest bitch superhero.
Like a fish, because he is a fish, out of the water, he's as useful as a poopy flavored lollypop.
Love when Family Guy ripped on him... do we have a clip? Thought we had a clip... uhhhh K found it...
1 - Spiderman
Peter Parker is soo annoying it's painful. I like Spiderman 2... but that's about it...
He spends all of his time pining over that ugly, no acting talent hack Mary Jane... whaddda bitch
And his powers... Spiderweb... weaksauce... and just how powerful his is strength?
Like he can stop a train, but he can't beat up that pansy James Franco? And talk about weak ass villains... Doctor Octopus? Supes would just rip off his tentacles and put them in his golf bag...
And "Spiderman 3" is soo unwatchable it is not even funny... it's not a soo bad it's good superhero movie like "Batman and Robin"
Here are the 145 reasons why "Spiderman 3" sucks...
When I need to get down to business at work and get shit done, I take my cues from symphony lover and the greatest assistant principal Steven Harper could ever hope for... Scott Guber
I'm putting my head down and blasting through an f'n powerpoint right now (I realize I'm actually blogging right now... lighten up, Francis)...
If you have the means to put on some headphones at work and need a go to quiet, and sometimes awesome, song to get you through your "powerpoint"... look no further than "Dvorak No. 9 - the 5th Movement"
It gets really dicey around the 8:25 mark...
Honestly, I go from a normally clueless man to an intellectual assassin when I listen to this music...
No joke... the 3rd best Lex Luthor (behind Rosenbaum and Hackman) is like Caliendo-good...
I didn't know he had it in him... I think we've all seen his Christopher Walken... well shit... I didn't know he had soo many others... Jimmy Stewart, Johnny Carson, Jack Lemmon and the biggest yella-belly in the west, Clint Eastwood
This post is courtesy of another excellent Lazy Sunday...
Great win against the shittiest NFL "Legend" of all time... 4 turnovers from Favre is almost as good as an open bar... almost...
Secondly, I still don't get why people kick to this man...
He didn't return one for points today, but he had two sick returns that put da Bearse in great field position.
6-3 feels really good because it looks, FOR NOW, like da Bearse are putting together an actual legitimate NFL football team. Take away the red zone pick by Jay Baby and Chris Harris going to sleep on covering Pussy Harvin down the field, and this was a totally dominant game by The Beloved.
Here are some thoughts from a great win today:
D.J. Moore is quickly turning into a healthy poor mans Mike Brown... Johnny on the Spot for the interceptions this year
Lance Briggs on the pick... ACE
Absolutely loved Jay Baby going back to Olsen on the first touchdown of the game, right after Olin Kreutz screwed them out of a touchdown on the previous play
Speaking of Kreutz... please retire after the season... tired of your penalties
Johnny Knox is like da Bearse Kyle Korver... HE GETS OPEN GOD DAMMIT!
Mike Martz is finally calling a balanced attack... they aren't rushing for a lot of yards... but the attempts add up and control the clock... thanks for doing your job, Michael
Cutler finally looking like he gives a shit out there... I'm soo tired of the emotionless expressions... he usually like Abed from Community without the pop culture refs... by the dubs... Community is awesome
Favre is a disgrace... if he had retired after the final game in '06 at Soldier Field, he could have been regarded as a classy NFL legend... but NOOOO... since then, he has unretired every year... cost his teams 2 Super Bowl appearances... and emailed his ding dong to a national audience... you are no role model... you would rather drink a beer than win father of the year... and you aren't good at football anymore... why don't you just go home!!??!?!?!?!?!!
All in all... great win... best win of the year, well, besides the Packer win, of course...
No more fucking around this week... duchebag is in town...
I hate Brett Favre soo much it hurts sometimes. Watching the Vikings make that comeback against the dog-breath Cardinals last week was like watching an entire flock of birds hover over your car and take a giant collective bird shit all over it. I was like, "Stop, don't do that!!!! AHHHHH they did it... godddd dammmmmmmit!"
What is scary for us Bears fans is we don't know if that win was a fluke or not. If the Cards had just done their jobs and finished the game off, then Minnesota and the Dancin' Favres would be, like Bob Brenly says about the Cubs, a "Dead-ass team!"
SIDENOTE - I luvvvvvv Bob Brenly
If I have to pick a side, and I will... I'm going to go with FLUKE.
Why? This week, I'm choosing to believe the Bears are going to start building towards a great second half. I believe last weeks win was the start of something big for Lovie Smith. Everyone knows if the Bears don't make the playoffs, Lovie is out like the fat kid in dodgeball.
Also, since I'm a miracle man like Joaquin Phoenix in "Signs", Lovie is destined to keep coaching the Bears, and why not? Most people in Chicago want him gone. So what's going to happen? He'll find a way to keep winning just enough to save his job.
So goes the life of a Chicago sports fan. You just can't win even when you do win.
PREDICTION
The Beloved - 23
Brett Sucks - 20
Robbie Gould wins it with a FG!
And here is one of the best videos about the shittiness of that assclown Brett Favre you will ever see.
I miss movies like this. See, its real simple... there is a runaway train... and Denzel has to chase it down... the only word for that is EPIC!
Unstoppable is a supreme action movie.
It totally delivers everything a movie like this promises... dumb conductors who fuck around and allow a train to leave the yard unattended, Denzel/Pine = old school/new school, a bunch of corporate idiots who have no clue how to stop this runaway beast (one of my favsies, Kevin Dunn, is awesome as the corporate goon)...
And of course... the movie has...
Rosario Dawson - MARRY ME!
Moving right along... this is director Tony Scott and Denzel's follow up to last years "Taking of Pelham 1 2 3"... which I really liked... I mean, you can't go wrong with an out-of-control John Travolta... unless its Battlefield Earth... ughh
This movie is better than that one. This is one of the best disaster movies in a long time, or at least, realistic ones. I liked last years "2012", but that is obviously crazy... the Mayans, pfft, what a bunch of dumbs...
This is a classic example of a great theatre experience... you will NOT be disappointed... when you find out that Denzel and Chris Pine have to hop on a train to go chase down the runaway train, and Pine says, "Lets chase this bitch down"... if that doesn't get you fired up... then I don't know what the hells the matter with you
Tonight is a big night... it's the conclusion of South Park's "Coon and Friends"... and with that, it got me thinking about superheroes...
Just like "Coon and Friends"... this is going to be a 3-part blog about superheroes...
First up - the UNDERRATED superheroes
HONORABLE MENTION:
The Rocketeer - that movie came out when I was like 6 or something... it has Timothy Dalton... and as long as he isn't appearing as James Bond... I love me some Timothy Dalton... he kills it in "Hot Fuzz"
Bartman - from the "Simpsons", I used to have the "Bartman vs. Radioactive Man" video game for NES... it was hard as shit... and "Bart vs. the Space Mutants" wasn't any better... BUT "Do the Bartman" is, and always will be, a song that is all sorts of epic
Dick Tracy - I mean, he was going up against Al Pacino, who looked fuckin' insane in that movie... so big ups to Tricky Dick
The Shoveler - that's right... a "Mystery Men" ref... and it won't be the last... here's the deal... don't fuck with William H. Macy
5 - The Coon
The Coon doesn't really have any powers... except for his mean spirit and hilarious swearing ability... The Coons powers lie in his jealousy of other superheroes, like Captain Hindsight and Mysterion... who we just found out is Kenny... which is totally LOL
4 - Meteor Man
Remember this fuckin' movie?
It was a pretty lame movie... but had some AWESOME moments... especially the end scene when Meteor Man and the bad guy keep touching books and then start acting out what the books are about... I can't explain it well... just watch it below
And yes, that was Don Cheadle
3 - Radioactive Man
Don't have too much to say about Radioactive Man... except that when REAL ACID is approaching... he puts on his googles...
and they do nothing... fuckin' Fallout Boy
2 - Donatello
The ONLY reason he makes this list is because in the original NES TMNT game... Donatello's stick was the best weapon because it had the longest reach... and that's it... I mean, he was pretty smart and everything... def the brains of the group with Leonardo... Raffy was a hot head and Mikey was just marinated in all sorts of dumb...
By the dubs... Secret of the Ooze is like Back to the Future 2... maybe not as good as the first... but has more repeat value due to its epic nature... BTTF2 had the future of 2015 where the Cubs win the World Series, and Secret of the Ooze has Super Shredder and Vanilla Ice... COUNT IT!
1 - Mr. Furious
I haven't seen the movie in forevsies... but I'm pretty sure there is a rumor that he once got soo mad he was able to move a city bus?
I just wish he was a Bears fan, and I was able to watch games with him and then see his reaction after a flurry of Jay Baby's picks... that would be a sight to see...
In the meantime... watching him dominate the junk yard will do...
