Thursday, December 30, 2010

the dream replacement for Ron Santo in the Cubs radio booth

This would never happen in a million years... but...


Bill Murray already has experience in the Cubs booth back in the 80's when Harry was out for a few games... Pete Venkman joined Stoney for what was an epic broadcast of Biblical proportions!

As far as my realistic choice for Cubs Legend Ron Santo in the radio booth next to Pat Hughes, I'd  Rick Sutcliffe is my guy...

But, in Kyle Trompeter's World, the choice is Venkman... check out this video of him announcing with Stone Pony... best part is at 8:07 when Jody Davis cranks one into the left field bleachers...

PS - Love me some Jody Davis... especially Harry's Jody Davis song he'd bust out when good ole number 7 would come to the plate... Jody, Jody Davis! Catcher without a fear!


The Joe Webb Chronicles - continued...

If only I could go back in time and put some money on the VIKINGS! No doubt that the sports almanac from "Back to the Future 2" had a big section dedicated to America's favorite son, Joe Webb.


Look, Joe Webb puts his pants one leg at a time just like everybody else... except when they're on... he makes football babies

Joe Webb is a guy who can jump over a mountain... no joke, LOOK!



There is only one other man that can jump that high... two words... Clark Kent

Joe Webb is a man who not only helps old ladies cross the street and carries their groceries all the way home, but he proceeds to cook them a meal soo good that it makes Bobby Flay's food taste like straight up poop

Joe Webb is a man who not only invented the wheel, but also the iPhone... he did, look it up

Joe Webb starred in "Footloose", not Kevin Bacon... look it up

Joe Webb went into a chinese buffet restaurant, ate all of the food, and didn't gain a single pound

Joe Webb watched "The Exorcist" and laughed at all the scary parts

In high school, Joe Webb was tardy to every single class and his teachers didn't even mind

By age 6, Joe Webb was already getting Pro Bowl votes

Joe Webb is the new Joe Cool... and here's his cartoon... in his spare time, he works in a supermarket... what a guy!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Epic Acting 101 - Greatest line in movie history

I've never seen this movie... I'm sad I do not own it... I love epically bad movies... there is a certain charm to really bad movies... see, nobody likes movies that are just regular bad, but when they are sooooooo bad in every way possible, they are quite fun to watch!


"Shark Attack 3" is famous for many things... terrible acting, obviously, as well as fantastically bad special effects...

But it's real charm lies in one line... I can't even describe the line because it is just sooo shockingly awesome... the only way to experience it is to just watch it

I will leave you with this... I would have given anything to be in the room that the writers of this movie were in when they wrote this line... I can't imagine the types of drugs they were on to think that this particular choice of dialogue was a good choice... to think there is actually someone who thought to themselves, "Oh sh*t, this line is PERFECT!"

And here... we... go...

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Joe Webb Chronicles

Tonight was a great night because of two things... one, da Bullse won again... and two, Joe Webb, like the hero that he is, stepped out of the phone booth and gave The Beloved Bearse a first round bye in the playoffs...

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the Joe Webb Chronicles...


This is a man of limitless ability... let me tell you about Joe Webb and the things he is capable of doing:
  • Joe Webb can throw a football a thousand yards in the air, jog after it, and catch it before it hits the ground
  • One time, Joe Webb took batting practice (he's not even a baseball player) with the Twins... first pitch he saw from Jesse Crain he tanked through the roof at the Metrodome... small hole... never fixed it tho... yikes
  • On several occasions, Joe Webb has been seen riding the roller coasters at Mall of America, and he's not scared to ride any of them
  • In an unaired episode of "Man v. Food", Joe Webb guest starred and took a challenge of eating 8 pounds of pasta in under 30 minutes... he finished it in one bite
  • One time, Joe Webb found a penny on the ground, sprinted to Vegas, and turned that penny into next months rent
  • Almost every week, Joe Webb goes to a soup kitchen and eats all of the soup
  • Just about daily in the Minnesota winter, Joe Webb builds a snowman and when it is finished, he beats the shi*t out of it
  • In college, Joe Webb took a Spanish class... he spoke in English and just put an "o" at the end of every word... he got an "A"
  • An author once tried to write a 10,000 page book about Joe Webb's life, but J-Webb wouldn't let him because he wanted to write the 10,000 page book himself... so he did... in 45 seconds
  • Joe Webb can spell any word known to man that is 5 letters or less
  • Joe Webb puts Louisiana Hotsauce on gum
  • In practice, it is not uncommon for Jared Allen to apologize profusely to Joe Webb for even attempting to tackle him
  • Joe Webb let da Bearse win two weeks ago just because he loves Chicago pizza
  • Joe Webb hooked up with Jen Sterger and sexted Favre mid sex
Lastly... when Joe Webb came out of the locker room to humiliate the Eagles tonight... he was still changing into his uniform... it looked something like this...



The Joe Webb Chronicles...

Monday, December 27, 2010

My Top 5 Movies of 2010!

Remember my view on how I rate movies... this is not going to be like the list you see professional critics do... there won't be any artsy fartsy bullspit movie on my list... I comment on movies people actually SEE! And the way I rate them is on how fun they are to watch... movies don't get extra points in my book because the subject matter might be more serious... remember, it's a MOVIE! It's not real and it shouldn't be judged as such... you go see a movie to have FUN... so that's how I judge them...

My Top 5 Movies of 2010 (there are still many movies I need to see... so this is based on what I've seen, which still is a lot of movies)

Honorable mention:
  • "The Wolfman" - You just don't see many good monster movies anymore these days... this one came out in the beginning of the year and did not disappoint... it rocked
  • "The Crazies" - There has been a lot of zombie movies recently... this is one of the best
  • "MacGruber" - Without a doubt the year's funniest movie... it had no competition
  • "The Karate Kid" - Too many remakes these days... I was skeptical about this one because I love the original... this was different enough that it nearly can stand alone as it's own film... and by the way, it was excellent
  • "The Fighter" - Guaranteed Oscar nod/win for Best Supporting Actor for Christian Bale... this movie was his masterpiece and he steals it from Marky Mark, who was excellent as well 
  • "Unstoppable" - Denzel chases down a runaway freight train... that's all you need to know... it was perfection
5 - "A Nightmare on Elm Street"


Since I'm a huge horror fan, I had to have at least one classic horror genre movie in the top five... I saw this movie at a midnight showing in good ole Pasco... it was a packed crowd and it was hoppin'... horror movies are meant to be seen with a lot of people... the jumps are soo much more fun when you are in the middle of a huge crowd... Jackie Earle Haley dominated as Freddy... obviously he is not as good as Robert Englund, but JEH was still great... similar to Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Loomis in the two Rob Zombie "Halloween" movies, MM was great, but obviously he can't replace Donald Pleasence... "ANOES" was a fun movie and I totally loved it... the last 10 seconds of the movie was a classic horror JUMP ending!

4 - "Inception"


This was a real mind-f*ck of a movie, but in a totally epic way... easily the most original movie in a long time, and the story is told soo crisply you pick up the quick moving complicated plot in stride... Leo rocks as always... this movie even has Jake Taylor in a prominent supporting role... yep, Tom effin' Berenger! That's all you need to know... this movie was the tits

3 - "The Expendables"


There have been some great action movies in the last few years like "Taken" and "Rambo"... this movie joins those films as just kick ass action movies... just a total guy movie all the way... Stallone pulls out all the stops and brings together the best cast in action movie history... Rocky, Statham, Jet Li, IVAN DRAGO... this list goes on... the last 20 minutes of this movie is the best action I have seen since the classic 80's action movies like "Predator"... this was a flawless action film and was soo much fun to watch

2 - "The Social Network"


I have two regrets in my "STT" reviews so far... it was giving this movie 3.5 stars instead of 4 and giving "Due Date" 3 stars instead of like 2 or 2.5... "DD" was nothing special... no big deal, even my boy Roger Dodger Ebert has admitted mistakes on his ratings...

This was as intense of a movie as there was in 2010... great performances by surefire Oscar contenders Jesse Eisenberg and Andrew Garfield... even Justin Timberlake has Oscar buzz with his performance...

We are told what we didn't know about Mark Zuckerberg... the man was ruthless in his creating of the most popular Website on planet Earth... and even quite possibly, the Universe... and we cut back and forth between the development of Facebook and the court proceedings between Big Z and those two duschebag twins who sue Zuckerberg for "stealing" the idea of Facebook...

This was a flawless film

1 - "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps"


I'm going to be in the minority on this pick... that's fine... this movie was outstanding...

It's really the first movie to cover the 2008 Crash, and it does it soo well by weaving in actual events with fictional characters like Louis Zabel, Bretton James and of course, Gordon Gekko...

Michael Douglas is once again Oscar nomination worthy for his performance as Gekko... everytime he is one screen, it's like nobody else exists... he is a force

Shia LaBuff (don't want to look up the spelling) is good too... way better than he was in "Indy 4"

Josh Brolin is soo good as the ruthless James... he buries Wall Street titan Louis Zabel (Frank Langella, phenomenal) and his company in the beginning of the movie, which leads to Zabels suicide... powerful sh*t

The original "Wall Street" was one of the best movies of the 80's... and this follow up 23 years later proved the series had plenty more to say

Did prison really change Gekko? This is a man who seemed to be without a soul in the first movie... he claims that is what made him a good business man... but in this movie, we see a softer Gordon, at least for a little bit... he spends most of the movie like a shark, watching from afar and waiting to attack...

The movie is a commentary on people who live life and lost something they loved... it's heartbreaking at times and prosperous at other times...

It is certainly the best photographed film I saw in 2010... this is a rare sequel that not only feels relevant, but necessary... and it was my favsies of 2010!

GREED IS GOOD!

Kyle's "Work Music" - Volume 7

I no joke listen to this sh*t like every day... James Newton Howard is, like Dennis Reynolds, a legend...


This is the guy who has done a Kirstie Alley ton of films... but his best are no question "Signs", "The Village" and "Lady in the Water"... with "LITW" being the best music no doubt... soo peaceful

I totes ragged on M. Night Shamalamadingdong earlier today... the dude used to make awesome movies... with his best, in my opinion, being "Signs"... that movie was every which way one of the best of the entire year... but something has happened... yep, it was "The Happening"... that movie sucked... I mean, I've seen movies suck before, but that movie was one of the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!

So the video below has excerpts from a buncha JNH movies... I've taken the liberty of telling you when each movie plays its music in the video... just thumb through it, okay huh
  • Sixth Sense - :00 - pretty good
  • Unbreakable - 1:50 - just ok
  • Signs - 3:37 - this music ROCKS
  • The Village - 5:45 - totally underrated score
  • Lady in the Water - 7:00 - simply the best
  • The Happening - 8:53 - this music is meh

The dumbest movies of 2010... if you like these movies, you're dumb

Let's start with the obvious Bee Ess movies of the past few years... omigod these are bad


I saw the first two movies... the second one I got free tickets for so I basically went to get massive amounts of buttered popcorn, which to say, was delightful...

The "Twilight" movies are dumb dumb dumb dumb... I am not a big fan of vampires... in fact, I only like ONE vampire movie... "Once Bitten" with Jim Carrey, a YOUNG Jim Carrey... it's boss... great dance scene too



Moving along... Imma gonna rapid fire through some of the dumbest 2010 flicks... some I've seen, some I didn't need to see... know what ah mean?
  • "The Last Airbender" - M. Night... ughhh... you used to be cool
  • "The Other Guys" - makes "Semi Pro" look like "Anchorman"
  • "Robin Hood" - BORING... I've seen plays that were better than this... honest to God, plays!
  • "Prince of Persia" - Jake Gyllensomething is not a leading man... mmmmmkay? I hate movies that take place in either medieval times or back in the Mesopotamia whatever... they just are boring and who can relate to that nonsense... there are a few exceptions, but I won't get into them now... ok I'll get into one... "Princess Bride" is one of the best movies ever... that's kinda Medievaly right?
  • "The Bounty Hunter" - J-Ass picks the worst movies... what happened to her? Her best movie is "Office Space"... and Gerard Butler can just go away
  • "Little Fockers" - haven't seen it yet but if it's anything like "Meet the Fockers"... holy hell
  • "Killers" - Katherine Heigl makes me angry when I watch her act (she's super hot tho)
  • "Green Zone" - Another war movie... didn't see that one coming... soooo boring
  • "Charlie St. Cloud" - didn't see it... didn't need to... fuck Zac Efron... spell your first name correctly you duschebag
  • "Jonah Hex" - biggest tank job of the summer box office
I'm sure I'm missing a few... but those movies above are painful... too bad "Siskel and Ebert" isn't on anymore... they would have had fun with these stinkjobs...

By the dubs... one of the most underrated shows ever, "The Critic", did an entire episode on Siskel and Ebert... here is there parts of the episode... as always, just like Katy Perry's juggs... this is a sight to see :)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Bears Recap - J-E-T-S, SUCK SUCK SUCK!

11-4... Daaa Bearse... TOO BIG, TOO FAST, TOO STRONG!!!


Everyone... say it with me... J-E-T-S, SUCK SUCK SUCK! (video below makes me go lol)



Anybinnysbeveragedepot... this was a rare SHOOTOUT at the SPACESHIP! Sanchez was like, "hey man, I can throw!" and then Mike Martz was like, "Jay Baby, fire that f**kin' pigskin!"... straight up Johnny Moxon West Canaan style!

Here are some thoughts:
  • Da Bearse O-Line blocked crazy good in the second half... and considering it was against the Jets pass rush... they should all get free cases of Harp (I've drank obscene amounts of Harp the last few days... GOOOO IRISH!)
  • Jay Baby's pick six was awful... but after that he was tubular... that's right, tubular
  • Still on pace for a 2 seed... SCHYEA! (2 "Wayne's World" refs in one day... Excellent... haha 3!)
  • Chris Harris is the boss
  • Chris Williams is not... too many penalty flags for you = ughhhhhhh
  • SIDENOTE - Michelle Monaghan is a fox
  • The fam still has like 60 plus beers left over from Trompeter Xmas Eve + Ledo's = phenomenal
  • Matt Forte is such a solid running back... he's dependable... he's like the "Man V. Food" of running backs... you just flip it on and it's always a good time
  • Writing this blog while drinking a Goose Island Mild Winter....... YES!!!!!!!!
  • Ha "Forrest Gump" is on... ok now I'm just writing things that I see... Kyle focus...
  • Is Sanchez like a poor mans Cutler? He's sooo good for like a short period of time, then he's fantastically bad like two seconds later... 
  • Devin Hester must have himself a pair of magic running shoes... Lovie told me you can tell alot about a person by their pair of shoes... Special Teams Coach Dave Toub says Devin's shoes can take him ANYWHERE!!! Yep, still watching Forrest... 
  • Is Sally Field always a bitch? I mean, "Mrs. Doubtfire" was on earlier and she was a complete jerk... in fact, the Jerk Store called... ohhh forget it...
It's time for me to wrap this up... hopefully this time next week... we will all be celebrating another Bearse victory and a 2 seed in the NFC playoffs!

Take care, ya turkeys! And have a nice rest of your Christmas Post-Game show!

Bears Prediction!

Let's get this out of the way... Rex Ryan is a nutjob... so is his wife... feet are disgusting and foot fetishes are worse... I'm being seriously Mrs. Rex whoever you are... get help


Okaleedokalee... moving right along...

Daaa Bearse and the Foot Clan (sick TMNT reference, I know) should be a really good game... why? Because both teams are completely schizo and who the efffff knows which teams are going to show up?

Bearse get bomblasted two weeks ago by the future Super Bowl champs... so did the Foot Clan... but then the Foot Clan also went on to lose to Ray Finkle and the Fish... BUT, they rebound to beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh? WTF

Meanwhile, The Beloved end stinky Brett's career last week... and Joe Webb... ohhhh Joe Webb... well, he's terrible at life...

In da Bearse domination station against the Vikes... Devin Hester became the all time leader in returns for a touchdown... SCHWING! And he did it in like a thousand less games than Brian Mitchell...

Brian Mitchell, you're f**kin' out!

So what will happen at Spaceship Field today? Simple... Sanchez blows soo hard... and normally he doesn't play well... and of course, this week will be no exception... HA!

Da Bearse will not put up 40 points like they did last week... in fact, it might be a very ugly game offensively... The Foot Clan love to blitz... and da Bearse don't like to pick up the blitz... translation... Jay Baby needs his dancin' shoes today!

THE PREDICTION

The Beloved - 16
The Foot Clan - 13


A first round bye is on the line... this is it, don't get scared now...

If da Bearse come out to this song... they will have no problems today...



"Be Kind, Rewind" FTW

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Top 5 Christmas movies!

There is no question that Christmas produces the best holiday themed movies... wayyy better than Valentines Day themed movies... and slightly better than Friday the 13th themed movies...

Top 5 Christmas movies!

Honorable Mention:
  • "A Christmas Story" - This would normally be on the list if it weren't totally overplayed on TV... some movies have unlimited repeatability... this does not
  • "Batman Returns" - It's a Christmas movie... sorta
  • "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York" - Not as good as the first, but still has it's moments... the hotel scenes are epic... CREDIT CARD? YOU GOT IT...

5 -"Scrooged"


Bill Murray + Dickens = awesomeness

I'll say this... Karen Allen was a totally underrated hottie back in the day... you know her from the "Indiana Jones" movies and "The Sandlot"... all around solid Xmas movie

4 -"Bad Santa"


This is easily the funniest Xmas movie of all time... drunk Santa played by Coach Gary Gaines? That's all you need to know... Gilmore Girl mom is in it too and is Annie Potts Hotts, so you got that going for ya, which is nice

3 -"Christmas Vacation"


Chevy... Cousin Eddie... Blackhawks jersey... nuff said...

Also... Elaine is the neighbor... translation = awesomely random

2 - "Home Alone"


Nobody does Christmas movies like John Hughes... this is another gem from his pen... ALSO, another epic CHICAGO Christmas movie... sorry New York, you just don't compare to the north Chicago suburbs when it comes to great Christmas backdrops...

Also... the traps... ohhhhhh the traps



1 - "Die Hard"


This is not a joke... what better way to celebrate Christmas than snuggling up on the couch and watching one of the all time great action movies... c'mon it's got Bruce Willis doin' his thing and Carl Winslow has got his back... all the while Hans effin' Gruber is solidifying himself as one of the all time great movie villains...

"Die Hard" is the all time greatest Christmas movie!

Hans Gruber ftw




MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Top 3 EPIC movie moments of 2010!

Usually I do a top 5 list... but I'm going to level with you... I'm lazy like a daisy and just don't feel like it doing 5... Can't someone else do it?

SIDENOTE - this is "Stump the Tromp" post 100... everyone who reads this blog ROCKS!

3 - ALL of "MacGruber"


It pissed me off to no end that this movie totally TANKED at the box office... opened to like 4 million bucks... not a lot of coin for a movie that was predicted to be a summer sleeper...

With that said, this was the best "SNL" movie since "Wayne's World 2"... the whole movie was an effin' riot... one of the many epic parts of the movie is his entrance into a party where he is supposed to be layin' low... but in classic MacGruber fashion... He. Does. Not.



Pretty epic...


2 - "The Karate Kid" final kick



Was this movie as good as the original? Of course not... but it wasn't far off...

Jackie Chan was amazing... Will Smith's son was pretty bad ass... and the final kick in the movie in nuts... if you haven't seen the movie, I'm NOT sorry for spoiling the ending... everyone has seen the original, so you know how it ends... if you haven't seen the original... what the hell is the matter with you?


1 - "The Expendables" dock explosion



Well that was a statement!

That movie was straight up ace... best action movie in forevs! Stallone FTW


Coming soon: Best Christmas movies of all time and the best movies of 2010!


Post 100... OUT!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Bears Recap - NFC NORTH CHAMPS!

Bearse clinch the NFC North and end Brett Favre's career on the same night? It really is Christmas time!


Big ups to the best return man in the history of the sport breaking the all time record for TD returns... 14... epic

This game was all business... get to the quarterback... get the ball... pound the ball... put it in the end zone... win the division

BIG UPS to Corey Wootton! Representing the Northwestern Wildcats in style... his first sack knocks bitch Favre out of the game... that's poetry... that's beautiful... I luvvvvvvvv Corey Wootton! In fact, Wootton hit Favre soooo hard, I think Austin Collie just got another concussion...

Closing out the division was soooooooooooo key... the Jets next week will be a total mystery and I think the Packers will beat the Giants... so they needed to take care of his tonight... they did... go Lovie!

Here are some thoughts on the division champs:
  • Jay Baby played a pretty solid game... the one pick wouldn't have happened if J'Marcus Webb wasn't terrible at his job and gotten a penalty on the previous play that nullified a touchdown pass to DA
  • J'Marcus Webb... go home... you are worthless
  • Chris Harris... a few big hits and a nice pick... delightful
  • Packers suck
  • Joe Webb... you are just a backup quarterback with a small brain... a third of the size of Jay Baby's... it's science
  • I hope Favre never plays again... to be able to say da Bearse sent that dipshit to retirement would be sooooooo choice
  • Julius Peppers is a BEAST
  • Packers suck
  • We need to spend every dollar in this offseason on the offensive line... do that, and keep Jay Baby and Martz together and da Bearse offense is gonna be zoppidy
  • Lovie gets us back to the playoffs = he gets to stick around
  • Major Wright can drop the hammer... dude can HIT!
  • Bad field conditions doesn't stop Robbie Gould
  • Hey look, 40 points! In bad weather! 
  • ESPN's coverage of Favre is sooooo painful... what the hell is that channel going to do when he's not playing anymore???? They're gonna have like 6 hours of dead air without all of the Favre programming... love that they give coverage to a total scumbag... it's not the same as Tiger coverage because Tiger is actually GOOD!
The Beloved are NFC North Champs again, just like it should be... still have some work to do... they win out and they get the second seed and a bye... that'd be pretty sweet... but one thing at a time!

BEAR DOWN, CHICAGO BEARS!!!

Guest Blog - The Baseball Movie All-Star Team by Mike Eisenberg

Ever wonder if you could fill a full Major League Baseball roster with fictional movie characters? With baseball season just around the corner, that’s exactly what we did.

35-Man Roster Header BW

As baseball season approaches, it seems fitting to announce the official All-Star team of fictional baseball characters. Below is a full 35-man roster that would compete against any Major League squad in history. In fact, I’d like to see ESPN put it to the test.


You may disagree with a roster occupant here and there, but this is the most comprehensive roster of sports movie characters you’re likely to find.  So, sit back and watch the Boys (and Ladies) of Summer tap into your baseball movie nostalgia.

Starting Lineup:

CF- Willie Mays Hayes (Major League)
3B- Kelly Leak (The Bad News Bears)
RF- Roy Hobbs (The Natural)
C- Crash Davis (Bull Durham)
1B- Jack Elliot (Mr. Baseball)
DH- Jack Parkman (Major League 2)
2B- Marla Hooch (A League Of Their Own)
LF- Bobby Rayburn (The Fan)
SS- Benny Rodriguez (The Sandlot)
P- Steve Nebraska (The Scout)

Pitching Staff:

  • SP- Nuke LaLoosh (Bull Durham)
  • SP- Billy Chapel (For Love Of The Game)
  • SP- Eddie Harris (Major League)
  • SP- Henry Wiggen (Bang The Drum Slowly)
  • RP- Kenny DeNunez (The Sandlot)
  • RP- Miles Pennfield w/ headphones (Hard Ball)
  • RP- Amanda Whurlitzer (Bad News Bears)
  • RP- Henry Rowengartner (Rookie Of The Year)
  • RP- Chet Rocket Steadman (Rookie Of The Year)
  • RP- Eric Van Leemer (Summer Catch)
  • RP- Sammy Bodeen (Talent For The Game)
  • Closer- Ricky Vaughn (Major League)

Bench:

  • 1B- Jimmy Dugan (A League Of Their Own)
  • OF- Pedro Cerrano (Major League)
  • OF- T-Rex Pennebaker (Mr. 3000)
  • OF- Isuro Tanaka (Major League 2)
  • OF- Billy ‘Downtown’ Anderson (Major League 3)
  • UTIL- Alan “Yea Yea” McClennan (The Sandlot)
  • UTIL- Lou Collins (Little Big League)
  • UTIL- Gus (The Benchwarmers)
  • UTIL- Ed (Ed)
  • DH- Stan (Mr. 3000)
  • C- Hamilton “Ham” Porter (The Sandlot)
  • C- Dottie Hinson (A League Of Their Own)
  • Pinch Runner- Mickey Scales (Little Big League)

Staff:

  • Head Coach- Lou Brown (Major League)
  • Pitching Coach- Phil Brickma (Rookie Of The Year)
  • Assistant Coach- Billy Heywood (Little Big League)
  • Hitting Coach- [against his will, of course] Jake Taylor (Major League)
  • Team Manager- Jarius G-Baby Evans (Hard Ball)
  • Radar Gun/Statistics- Annie Savoy (Bull Durham)


Bears Prediction - In Lovie, We Trust?

This man scares me sometimes...


Earlier this year, da Bearse take on MVP runner up Mike Vick and the Eagles, and The Beloved were supposed to get completely exposed. What happened? Lovie coached one of his best games ever and da Bearse dominated...

Then last week... Lovie drew up a pathetic game plan in a home game where they could have made a massive statement by beating the Patriots at home... and well, the game... it went poorly

HOWEVER - Bearse have dominated the the NFC North this year... unlike the Packers lol... haha did you see Matt Flynn shit himself on the last play of Packers/Patriots last night? Classic

What is worse for a fan? To get your heart ripped out on the last play of a close game? Or for your team to get completely blasted from the get go, and you are OVER IT by the second quarter? Gimme number 2... being a Cubs fan, I can't deal with any more collapses. If my team is going to lose... serve me up a blowout special!

If da Bearse win tonight, they win the NFC North... schwing!

They gotta close it out tonight or else it's going to get real dicey real quick... if they lose to the Vikings, what follows will be a series of unfortunate events... Bearse have the Jets next week and we have no idea which Jets team we will see... the Packers have the Giants, and if da Bearse lose to the Vikings tonight, I guarantee the Packers will beat the Giants because that is just the way fate will have it and that will set up a season finale in Green Bay for the division...

As far as tonight goes... some bonejob is starting at QB for the Vikings, AP has a bum knee and the Vikings O-Line is shit... the defense is pissed off about last week and need to rebound... they will


THE PREDICTION

The Beloved - 24
Metrodome RIP - 13


After last night's epic finish in the Packers/Patriots gem... I was reminded how their season ended last year... pick 6 to the Cards... doesn't get any better than this... too bad they probably won't even be able to make it to the playoffs so we could all be witnesses to their next "last second" collapse which are becoming a regular thing now... so we got that going for us, which is nice...

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Celebrating Christmas: Marv and his screams

This blog post goes out to the best Christmas villain of all time... Marv


As far as Christmas villains go, Marv comes in first, slightly edging out Clark Griswald's bad luck...

Marv is known for his tall stature... great big hair... his idiocy... and of course, his screaming ability... if Jamie Lee Curtis is the "scream queen"... Daniel Stern is definitely the king...

AND HERE COME THE SCREAMS


Electrocution...



Spider...



The nail in the foot...



HARRY, I'VE REACHED THE TOP!



There are more... but I've got a Xmas party to go to and Makers Mark to drink... Good night to all, and to all a good night!

The Fighter - 4 stars

This is Christian Bale's masterpiece.

"The Fighter" is a powerfully epic movie, and as my boy Roger Ebert only says a few times a year, "This is one of the year's best films."


There have been a only been a few performances in the last few years where actors have completely disappeared into their roles... Heath Ledger as the Joker in the "Dark Knight" comes to mind... J. Phoenix as Johnny Cash in "Walk the line"... MACGRUBER lol just kidding

As you are watching this movie... you keep forgetting that it is Christian Bale playing Marky Mark's drugged up older brother... he is AMAZING in this movie, and frankly, has absolutely no competition in the Best Supporting Actor category... Michael Douglas will get a nomination for Gordon Gekko no question, and Andrew Garfield will totes get a spot for "Social Network", but this is Bale's award and nobody else's...

Is there another sport that lends itself to great movies like boxing does? The answer is no... here is some proof:
  • Rocky
  • Cinderella Man
  • Raging Bull
  • Million Dollar Baby
"Rocky" and "MDB" won best picture... "Raging Bull" was nominated but should have won... and "Cinderella Man" should have been nominated but wasn't... Paul Giamatti was unreal in "CM"

Point it, the personalities and stories of overcoming adversity are soo much greater in the boxing community, they are so much more powerful than those of other sports. Take hockey or golf for instance... those sports are expensive to play growing up... who wants to watch a movie about some damn rich kid who is good at sports? Nobody! The only good movie about a rich kid is "Richie Rich"... fact

Let's wrap this up... Marky Mark was very good in the title role of Mickey Ward... Amy Adams has her terrific cleavage on display the entire movie, and nobody is complaining about that! Seriously, she has come along way from her days of guest starring on the first season of "Smallville", she's a great actor... and whoever that was playing Marky Mark's mom was a crazy bitch... but good... all of them will probably get Oscar nods

Is this the best movie I've seen this year... it's close... that list is coming out soon and this will be near the top... so to repeat, as Roger Dodger says, this is one of the year's best films....

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Celebrating Christmas: Top 5 Christmas Songs... like ever!

Mind you, this list is totally open for debate... however, I ran this list by Dennis Reynolds and he said, "If you disagree with this list... you're dead wrong... dead wrong"

Let's get one thing clear... is there going to be a lot of "Home Alone" on this list....................... yes... it's one of the best Xmas movies ever... second best in my book... first best? Well, that's for another day...


Some on this list are from movies... some are from Wham!

One thing is for certain... some radio stations switch their format over to Christmas music before Thanksgiving... and that is NOT ok in my book


5 - Somewhere In My Memory



A classic from "Home Alone"... this song was nominated for an Oscar... NOMINATED... how did another song beat this one? It's a miracle... (Bull Durham ftw)

4 - Christmas Time Is Here



No explanation needed here... a total childhood favorite... "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is a legendary Xmas special... easily the best TV Christmas special of all time... slightly better than "Kiss Saves Santa"

3 - Christmas Vacation



If there is a better intro into a Christmas movie... please show it to me?

IT'S THAT TIME... CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE!!!

Just played a "Christmas Vacation" drinking game last weekend at my cousins... and I can confidently say that "CV" is on the short list of movies that have unlimited repeatability... that's the fact, Jack!

2 - Last Christmas



If you've seen me do karaoke, I'm sure you are wondering why this tune isn't number one... yes, this song is in my wheelhouse... and yes, the video above is completely soaked in all sorts of epic... and it probably should be number one... but when you watch the video I've picked for number one... and you see Kevin McAllister in the beginning of the video... you'll know why it had to be number one...

1 - All Alone On Christmas



Did I tell ya? What did I tell ya?

Slap some shades on Kevin McAllister and you got yourself a sick party... that song is from "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York"... it's not as good as the first one, but it is still awesome

I always thought they should have kept going with sequels where he gets lost in another location... New York was good... here are some other ideas:
  • "Home Alone: Lost on the south side of Chicago"
  • "Home Alone: Lost in space"
  • "Home Alone: Lost in Michael Myers house" (basically "Halloween: Resurrection")
  • "Home Alone: Lost in Muncie"

Kyle's "Work Music" - Volume 6

"Carol the waitress, meet Simon the fag" - Melvin Udall



This is a movie of epic proportions for many reasons:
  • Jack Nicholson's Oscar winning performance
  • Greg Kinnear should have won for BSA, although he got a nomination...
  • It's the best comedy to be nominated for Best Picture since... I don't know... "Broadcast News"?... it's way better than "Annie Hall"
  • It's got Egon Spengler!
And so forth...

It also has cute music... that's right... CUTE damnit!

Work is sometimes a drag... I'm doing some research right now on some prospective clients... it's a little dry... so this music helps

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Golden Globe nomination thoughts...

Golden Globe nominations out today - HERE THEY ARE

I opened up this nomination link this morning and looked for one name... and I found it...

GORDON GEKKO BABY!!!


Best Supporting Actor nod... that's clutch... he's probably not going to win... but that's fine... he's already won the Oscar for his role in the original "Wall Street", so he doesn't need to win... but he deserves to get nomintated... he dominates in "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps"



Fact is, Christian Bale is going to run away with BSA with his role in "The Fighter"... a movie I can NOT wait to see on Friday!

Here are a few other Golden Globe nomination thoughts:
  • No nomination for "The Office" is a good indication that the show needs to go away at the end of the season along with Michael Scott's departure... parts of this season have been painful and soooo un-Office like... I used to love this show and would just like to see it get the proper sendoff... 
  • The Best Picture Comedy category is garbage... "The Tourist"? WTF? I'm dead serious when I say the remake of the "Karate Kid" should have gotten a spot here... whatevs... I also thought Jackie Chan should have gotten consideration for BSA for "Karate Kid"
  • Jessie Eisenberg has gotten be the winner for "Social Network", no question... altho I'm sure Marky Mark will be great too
  • Andrew Garfield was great in "SN", but unfortunately is going against Bale and Gekko
  • Too much Johnny Depp... 2 noms in one category... wtf
  • "Social Network" has to win best picture... and probably will
  • If "Red" gets is best comedy material, then they should have nominated "The Expendables"... fact
  • Who else is tired of "30 Rock"? 
  • "Glee"? Where the fuck is "Community"? That show is a thousand times better than "Glee"
  • We all know the best comedy on television is "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" and it's not even close
ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Bears Recap - FUNKY BUTTLOVIN'!!!

Did he just say funky buttlovin'?

Have fun with the Pats next week, Green Bay lol

This was a fun game, wasn't it?


At least the snow falling looked really pretty, right? If da Bearse lose this game but it was close all the way, it's not soo bad... but getting embarassed like this has completely exposed this Bearse team, just like the Pats exposed the Jets last week...

It's not soo much that da Bearse aren't a playoff team... they're gonna make it (Thank you, Detroilet!)... this game just showed that da Bearse probably aren't capable of beating the Pats... a team that if by some grace of God that The Beloved made it to the Super Bowl, they would be playing and the Pats would win no problemo...

This game was over early on when Chris Harris dropped an INT in the end zone... next play, the Pats scored and never looked back... if you get to Brady early, you stay in the game... Harris dropped it, sooooo efff you Chris Harris...

Anyhootieandtheblowfish, this was a shockingly bad effort by da Bearse... a few thoughts, and almost all are bad:
  • No pass rush = Brady dominates
  • No run game = Jay Baby has to move the ball with his arm
  • No pass blocking = Jay Baby can't do the above
  • Tom Brady = like Stacey King says, TOO BIG, TOO FAST, TOO STRONG
  • btw, go Bulls!
  • Thanks to Detroilet again for basically putting us in the playoffs today, but this team probably can't go to far once they get in... definitely can't win the Super Bowl (Pats will)
  • Bearse receivers are terrible... Johnny Knox... ughhhhh
  • Pats offensive playbook is what Mike Martz's used to be when he had a real offensive line... Bearse need to spend every cent they have this offseason on fixing the O-Line... Eff you O-Line
  • The kick return game was pretty good, but we don't do anything with field position so unless Hester/Manning takes it to the house, it doesn't matter
  • Bill Belichick vs. Lovie Smith is like Mike Tyson in his prime vs. Justin Beiber
I've gone into the future and have taken some video of Lovie Smith later tonight at his house playing his piano and pretty much hating life...

"Lovie you suck, you're soo self loathing, GO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST!!!"

Bears Prediction - the "It's snowy as shit" edition!

I just woke up and looked outside and it's like a monsoon of snow blowing through the air... THEN, I turned on my phone and found out the METRODOME ROOF COLLAPSED because of the snow... I mean, holy shit! Already a crazy Sunday and I'd been awake for 45 seconds...

Sooooooooooooo jacked for this matchup today...


Bears/Patriots... winner will clearly be deemed the best team in the NFL (sorry Falcons, but you are, uhhhhh, nope)... and the loser will be the Patriots HAH!

Oh the weather outside is weather!

Ok, I'm being seriously you guys, this weather is gonna be crazy during the game... perfect for a Bears/Patriots matchup... two teams that are geared for conditions that would be rough for effin' polar bears...

SIDENOTE - How many picks would Peyton Manning throw in the Chicago weather today? Over/under is 11.5, I'm taking the over...

The way you beat the Patriots is by pounding the football... so Matt Forte needs to step it up bigtime... if he doesn't, it becomes a contest of which quarterback can weather the storm better, and that is a matchup that Jay Baby just can't win... Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the league and it's not even close... playing Mike Vick will seem like a walk in the park compared to this game...

With that said... if all else fails... Devin Hester = WILDCARD BITCHES!!!



This is it, don't get scared now...

THE PREDICTION

The Beloved - 13
SB XX Losers - 10

I just think Lovie has got his mojo back, and every week they just figure it the fuck out... I don't know how... but they will again... hopefully

Looking back at Super Bowl XX though... Patriots were looking good............. and it's good!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Movie Heisman Award Finalists!

Eff Scam Newton... I hate it that another crook is going to win the Heisman Trophy tonight... if I have a Heisman vote... which is not very likely, I mean, I'd have better luck playing pick up sticks with my buttcheeks... I am voting for Boise State's Kellen Moore, the best passer in the country

I'll get off my soapbox... time for the real Heisman race... MOVIE football players... way more exciting than the actual Heisman Award ceremony tonight

Here are the few that almost made the top 5:
  • QB Paul Blake - "Necessary Roughness" - Scott Bakula was a hell of a player, but no Chris Weinke story here, his Texas State team around him wasn't good enough to get him on the ballot
  • RB Darnell Jefferson - "The Program" - Omar Epps had a lot of skills out of the backfield for Eastern State, and he nailed Halle Berry, but the lingering fumbling issues hurt his chances
  • QB Shane Falco - "The Replacements" - Horrible performance in the Sugar Bowl killed his reputation
  • WR Rod Tidwell - "Jerry Maguire" - Arizona State WR had good numbers, but projected to only be a slot receiver in the NFL and has a bad attitude
  • K Lucy Draper - "Necessary Roughness" - Kathy Ireland is gorgeous, nuff said...

5 - KR Forrest Gump - "Forrest Gump" - Alabama


Let's just call this the "Devin Hester" selection... Forrest might be the stupidest son of a bitch alive, but damn is he fast! He is a threat to score every time he touches the football... easy selection for the top 5

4 - QB Frank Cushman - "Jerry Maguire" - SMU


Clearly the Ryan Leaf of this draft... has all the talent in the World but has nothing to work with upstairs... DUMB... although he helped raise SMU from the dead so he gets points there... but he just doesn't seem like a very LOYAL person, and integrity counts in my book, so he loses points...

3 - QB Stan Gable - "Revenge of the Nerds" - Adams College


Stan Gable has some personality issues as well, but you can't ignore the fact that he is the best player in the history of Adams College football, and he has the team in position to win the big homecoming game... and he's dating the hottest girl on campus... hope he doesn't fuck it up................ (he does)

2 - LB Bobby Boucher - "The Waterboy" - South Central Louisiana State University


Just a madman tackler with a knack for the football... he is the total package... good attitude, great player, great teammate... but there is one thing holding him back... he's basically retarded, his mom is crazy and if Scam Newton has taught us anything, it is that parents can ruin a kids' reputation

WINNER - QB Joe Kane - "The Program" - Eastern State University


KANE IS ABLE!!!

Great story here... Kane shakes off a drinking problem and a horrible father to win the big game at the end, and in my book, win the Heisman Trophy...

He also gets huge points for nailing Kristy Swanson... good lord

He lost the big game early in the season to Michigan, but he picked himself back up to be clutch in the end...

"Put the women and children to bed and go lookin' for fuckin' dinner" - JK

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Who I want the father of Sweet Dee's child to be in "Sunny" season finale!

Look, this isn't going to happen, because I'm just not that lucky... it's gotta be Colin!

For all the "Sunny" newbies who aren't that fluent with the first season, he was the best part of "Gun Fever", which is one of my all time favorite episodes...


My reasons for loving this episodes are a little selfish... I mean, Dee is dating f'n Lex Luthor (Michael Rosenbaum, best best Lex)...

I saw the teaser for this episode earlier today, and I'm sure they are going to float out the obvious names over the course of the episode - Rickety Crickett, Brian the Soldier, the retarded guy, the old korean guy, the McPoyles, Bill Ponderosa...

BUT, I want me some Lex Luthor babies on "Sunny"... Colin was totally epic in "Gun Fever"... two words, "OH SHIT!"



UPDATE - It was the Tranny... totally epic... did NOT see that coming lol... this show is the fuckin' best!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

I watch "Glee"...

Told you this blog was like South Parky topical... 

I don't watch "Glee" every week... just sometimes, mmmmmkay?

I don't really get the appeal of the show outside of some pretty cool tunes... the story lines are weak and there is a gimmick cameo like every week... sooo I don't know how much legs this show has, but whatevs...

STILL - the music is pretty damn good, and tonight, they may have done their best song yet, in my opinion...


Now obviously, this version isn't as good as the "Wham!" version... George Michael is a saint and that song was in my wheelhouse back in the day when Kennewick Karaoke was what all the cool kids would do... this version isn't without its charm...



With that said... let's be real... "Glee" Christmas doesn't hold a candle to other shows Christmas festivities...

Front and center... my favorite Christmas moment from any TV show is without a doubt "Kiss Saves Santa"... sorry "Glee", but your fuckin' out!



Someone stole Santa? THAT DOES NOT ROCK!!!

Classic... and finally... it's not a "Simpsons" xmas episode per se, but Robert Goulet sings "Jingle Bells", and that's good enough...



GOULET!

In conclusion... I know I take a hit on some man points by watching "Glee", but I also win those points back by being able to admit I've watched the show more than once... c'mon, everyone has seen this show once... and dudes, I know you, like me, have definitely watched it at least a few times... so make fun of me if you want... I can handle it... I'M A MAN! I'M 24! COME AFTER ME!!!

Damnit I miss Mike Gundy... need to watch the best press conference ever right now... ahhhhhhhh here it is... this version has some Ricky Bobby clips spliced in...



Ok... good talk... see ya out there...

Monday, December 6, 2010

Live Performances FTW!

Let's tee up some sick live performances... Journey, Dexys, Cheap Trick and the sexiest woman of 1981, Sheena Easton...

With the exception of the greatest voice of all time, Freddy Mercury, nobody had a better voice than Steve Perry...


Journey is the tits, especially LIVE, and make no mistake about it, "Separate Ways" is the best Journey song... yes, better than "Don't Stop Believin'"... stupid '05 White Sox...

This live version is sick... the drummer rocks me socks off...



Too bad Stevie's voice was dead by 2002...

Now batting, the greatest Irish band of all time, Dexys Midnight Runners... this is without a doubt the greatest live version of "Come On Eileen"... watch closely at 5:31... there is a guy in a crowd shot that looks just like Harry Potter...



NEXT!

Coolest guitar award goes to Cheap Trick... they are the music that Homer Simpson prefers to listen to, and "Surrender" is one of the all time best songs... loved when Conan opened his last "Tonight Show" with this gem...



Finally... I'm just gonna lay it out there... if I could time travel and was allowed to do anything... I'm going back to 1981 and getting Sheena Easton preggers... fact...

"Morning Train"... unreal song and it's in several "Seinfeld" episodes... count it!

Kyle's "Work Music" - Volume 5

NERDS!!!!!!!!!!!!


Gonna make a statement here... "Revenge of the Nerds" is the best college movie of all time... better than "Animal House" and better than "Old School"... make no mistake about it, those movies are great, but just nowhere in the realm of the epic nature of "ROTN"...

Couple factors... more likable main characters... funnier villains... BETTER MONTAGES!

So if you're at work today and creating a powerpoint like myself... or if you are building a house... cue up this shit... the work will fly right by...

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Bears Recap - phew!

Thank the Lord we were playing Detroilet...


You would think playing a team who is starting some bum fuck 3rd stringer, Rod Marinelli would send his boys after him pretty hard... and he, did, not...

On the flip side, Mike Martz play calling on the last drive was the smartest football this offense has played all season...

9-3 is awesome... still in first place... Packers still chasing da Bearse... life is good... here are a few thoughts:
  • Bearse kickers are sick... Gould with a career long 54 yarder, and Maynard dropping balls inside the 10... epic
  • Jay Baby with another great game... smart throws... lost that one fumble but he can thank J'Marcus Webb for being terrible at this job for that one... still shoulda held onto it, but one Jay Baby mistake a game I can live with...
  • 2 TD's from our running backs... very niiiice
  • Bad call on Suh on the personal foul on Cutler late in the game, but the way he took down Cutler was totally unnecessary, he could have wrapped him up and drilled him to the ground, but went for a hit that looked like a forearm to the head in real time... that's Suh's fault because he easily could have prevented that
  • Bearse run defense was a joke
  • The last minute of the first half should get Rod Marinelli sent to time out 
  • Calvin Johnson is the best receiver in the NFL
  • D.J. Moore is a stud
  • EARL BENNETT... thank you for being the way you are... I like everything you choose to be
  • Brandon Manumaleuna... thanks for showing up for work
So it's two close games against Detroilet... but two wins... that's pretty ace if you ask me... at least they still have Axel Foley... he is pretty amazing