The Joe Webb Chronicles

Tonight was a great night because of two things... one, da Bullse won again... and two, Joe Webb, like the hero that he is, stepped out of the phone booth and gave The Beloved Bearse a first round bye in the playoffs...

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the Joe Webb Chronicles...

This is a man of limitless ability... let me tell you about Joe Webb and the things he is capable of doing:

• Joe Webb can throw a football a thousand yards in the air, jog after it, and catch it before it hits the ground
• One time, Joe Webb took batting practice (he's not even a baseball player) with the Twins... first pitch he saw from Jesse Crain he tanked through the roof at the Metrodome... small hole... never fixed it tho... yikes
• On several occasions, Joe Webb has been seen riding the roller coasters at Mall of America, and he's not scared to ride any of them
• In an unaired episode of "Man v. Food", Joe Webb guest starred and took a challenge of eating 8 pounds of pasta in under 30 minutes... he finished it in one bite
• One time, Joe Webb found a penny on the ground, sprinted to Vegas, and turned that penny into next months rent
• Almost every week, Joe Webb goes to a soup kitchen and eats all of the soup
• Just about daily in the Minnesota winter, Joe Webb builds a snowman and when it is finished, he beats the shi*t out of it
• In college, Joe Webb took a Spanish class... he spoke in English and just put an "o" at the end of every word... he got an "A"
• An author once tried to write a 10,000 page book about Joe Webb's life, but J-Webb wouldn't let him because he wanted to write the 10,000 page book himself... so he did... in 45 seconds
• Joe Webb can spell any word known to man that is 5 letters or less
• Joe Webb puts Louisiana Hotsauce on gum
• In practice, it is not uncommon for Jared Allen to apologize profusely to Joe Webb for even attempting to tackle him
• Joe Webb let da Bearse win two weeks ago just because he loves Chicago pizza
• Joe Webb hooked up with Jen Sterger and sexted Favre mid sex

Lastly... when Joe Webb came out of the locker room to humiliate the Eagles tonight... he was still changing into his uniform... it looked something like this...



The Joe Webb Chronicles...